#tw abusive relati

[t4transsexual]

have you ever dated cis women? when did you decide to be t4t?

i have dated a couple of cis women, one for a little while and we didnt get on because she was one of those fems who doesnt want their butch/masc/transmasc partner to have feelings and needs and also didnt want me to say no to sex and we didnt last long because i was deeply unhappy with her

as for when i decided to be t4t, i guess its probably about time i open up about the specific instance(s) that lead to me deciding to be exclusively t4t, because i havent actually talked about what pushed me to make the shift into exclusively dating trans people. i was trying to run a more positive page and frankly i wasnt really ready to talk about this so publicly, especially with the terf/transphobe interaction i get almost all the time on this account, but i figure i can now and ill probably turn off replies if i can figure out how

tw for graphic description of sexual assault and transphobia under the cut

when i started medically transitioning, i decided to try dating guys again. keep in mind i had a lot of comphet before deciding i was t4t; i basically only really beat that around 2022 when i turned 20. and i matched with a cis guy on tinder, who looked like he had a lot of personality judging by his photos i was 18, almost 19 at the time

literally the first thing this man says to me, after i tell him im trans, is "oh, cool, i love femboys." red flag #1. i said, "im not a femboy, i present masculinely, dont call me that." he apologized, and we moved on

at some point, we're talking about sex. he says hes very subby and a size queen. all fine, i told him i was a stone top/dom, i didnt really like experiencing penetration and it was painful for me due to a condition i had at the time. he says thats fine, everythings good. this will be important later

later, he tells me he told his parents i was trans. i asked him why, given that he both didnt ask me first and said his parents were transphobic. he says "my mom asked, was i just supposed to lie?" i say, yes. he apologizes, i /really/ want to call the whole thing off at this point but he seemed nice enough that maybe he just didnt know trans dating as well as i did

the entire relationship, he just says transphobic shit. he told me that he "understood why people didnt want to date trans people, because its a lot of baggage." he was an active alcoholic by the way. and also dating a trans person. he would neg me for being trans and then turn around and say that i was such a hot guy. he even misgendered me one time, and got upset at me for getting pissed about it, and made me believe i was overreacting. he made me believe that he was doing me a favor by ever dating me

at some point, we're at my parents house, and he tells me he wants to fuck me with his penis. i tell him no, that i dont want to, that i dont know about it, that im scared, pretty much anything i can say to get him to reconsider, but he argued and said itd be good for me and that i can choose which hole but it became very clear to me that i had no choice. so i said he could fuck my pussy

it was excruciating. it hurt so bad, but i knew i couldnt say no. he couldnt stay hard unless he was degrading me and i didnt want him to, so he kept making me jerk him off so he could keep raping me

eventually he stopped, and i wasnt even really aware i had been raped at first. ive been sexually abused by several people in my life and generally it has taken me a while to accept when ive been sexually abused by a person. so we kept dating like normal, long distance btw, but my mental health was deteriorating. i was suicidal for the first time in a while. i was self harming again. i couldnt stop thinking about killing myself.

eventually, he breaks up with me for being suicidal. he says im guilt tripping him or something, i dont remember. and that was december of 2021

we go no contact. i still dont realize he raped me. but i knew that there was something deeply wrong in the way our relationship was

right after him, i dated a trans woman who we went to the same high school. just the difference in how i was treated by her than by him, with her she treated me like i was an actual equal in the relationship. with him, he felt he was superior to me; like he "owned" me, or something

we broke up, we werent really compatible, but when i got with her, she taught me what being t4t was, and the implicit understanding and the comfort and safety i felt. after we broke up was when i decided i didnt like men, and still remained t4t after

i realized what he did to me was rape nearly a year later. he correctively raped me for being a stone top, more specifically, and i dont think he wouldve been "empowered" to rape me if i was a cis man, or even a cis woman. i understand that the "off" feeling i felt throughout that relationship was because he, as a cis person, felt superior over me as a trans person, and felt that if he wanted to fuck me, i shouldnt get a say. he talked about doing other actions to me that i didnt want done at the time, certainly not by him, and if we werent long distance, he probably wouldve raped me several more times

being with my current girlfriend, we click in a way that i havent felt with any cis person, the women included. she definitely isnt going to rape me for being trans. ive undergone physical therapy so that if i ever got raped again, it wouldnt hurt as bad, and it worked and ive actually enjoyed bottoming (consensually) with my girlfriend. she makes me feel very safe, and we understand each other and each others needs as trans people very well, and being with her has helped me process the time i was raped, and the several other times ive been sexually abused by other people

now that ive had time to process these things, i would say that i dont feel the same way around trans people (including me) dating cis people anymore. when i first started this account, i wouldve never admitted this then btw, i fully did not think trans people should date cis people, because i had fostered such a deep distrust of cis people as a result of that whole relationship and assault. i believed cis people would always be bad partners to trans people, but i dont believe that anymore. in the very unlikely circumstance i find myself single again, i may even consider dating a cis woman again. but probably not, because ive grown to really like the implicit understanding that we as trans people get with other trans people

thats why im t4t, and when i became t4t was around the beginning of 2022

[meltotheany]

Goodreads | Amazon US | B&N | Blackwell’s | Bookshop 1.) Throne of Glass ★★ 2.) Crown of Midnight ★★★★ [2024 reread] ★★★ this is an anthology, short story collection, of five tales set prior to the events in throne of glass. they are told in chronological order, with each one building off the previous one, and ultimately showing us how celaena ended up in the salt mines when we meet her for the very first time. we also get introduced to a lot of characters who we will meet in this universe, with some backstory on how celaena met them for the very first time. ultimately, i did enjoy this, and i truly just enjoy the project of this – i wish more authors would give me short stories set in worlds, with characters, that i already am established with and love. yet, i don’t think they add too much to the throne of glass world. sometimes it felt like they were really just showcasing how celaena is a good person and sjm really, really just wants the reader to know that, but i still had a fun time reading these. i do think they add to the overall series, and i do recommend you read these, but the enjoyment is for sure going to vary from reader to reader – more than most reading experiences, i feel. down below i break down each short story in this anthology, give them individual star ratings, and list their trigger and content warnings! (my favorite being the assassin and the healer, because i am a yrene fangirl, and my least favorite probably being the assassin and the underworld, because celaena was just being too annoying in it for me lol.) ━━♡ 0.1) The Assassin and the Pirate Lord ★★★ this first short story starts off in an assassin’s guild, two years before the events of tog, and where an emergency meeting is being held by the king of assassins himself, arobynn. someone is murdering assassins, and celaena and sam are tasked with a mission to go to skulls bay, have a meeting with the pirate lord, and give him a sealed letter from arobynn himself. yet, when they get to skulls bay, they realize there is a much more heartbreaking situation going on, and sam and celaena decide to do something about it all on their own, regardless of the costs. i really liked seeing sam and celaena start to get to know each other, and start to figure out the people they want to be together, too. i also loved seeing the skulls bay setting, and why the location is the way it is currently in the book series, because of the actions in this novella. i wont lie, this read a little too white savior in 2024, but i still enjoyed reading this opener in this anthology collection, and it setting the tone for what is to come. tw/cw: death, loss of a friend, grief, slavery, human trafficking (with an emphasis on children, as well), captivity, fighting/battle, explosions, violence, blood ━━♡ 0.2) The Assassin and the Healer ★★★★ please know i am truly screaming at my 2016 review for this short story because i was fully like “this is filler, who is this girl?” lol. oh sweet summer, me shipping celaena and chaol, so hard i didn’t see the dots were dotting right before my eyes, child. this short story takes place obviously after the first, but we get to see how arobynn punished celaena for her actions in skulls bay, and continuing to punish her by sending her to train in the red desert. but while she is waiting for her boat, she is staying at an inn where she helps a worker. And that worker? ends up playing a very big role in the rest of the series. yrene towers is a healer, stuck in a small port town, while hiding her magic that is now outlawed. this story switches povs between the two women, and it was just really heartwarming. i really do love yrene, and just seeing her really want to master her gift that was passed down from all the women in her family at a healer academy, and just really want to heal and make the world a better place – it just gave me all the feels. i for sure appreciated this novella more in 2024. tw/cw: extreme physical abuse in past, abusive relations...

[edjectedly]

My Experience Being Ace

I have wanted to make this post for a while, but since my fuck ton of emotions are making me sick to my stomach I decided I would do this tonight. If this helps anyone who has been through similar struggles it will have been worth sharing. I want to say right now that this isn’t the best story, there are a lot of triggering things, and I will put them in the tags, so if you want to know what I have been through after figuring out my identity feel free to click the “Read More” after looking at the triggers in the tags

READ THE TAGS

I figured out I was asexual when I was thirteen. When I was 11 I started wondering if something was wrong with me. When my friends hit puberty they started telling me all this stuff about sex and how they couldn’t wait to have it and I was like..... “Haha me too! Definitely, but um how would I know that’s what I am feeling?” It was bad. I really thought something was wrong and I didn’t want to tell my parents and I didn’t want to deal with not being normal. Then, I found the word ‘asexual’ and I was like... this is me. I didn’t feel so alone. It was amazing, until I wanted to tell people about it.

I was thirteen at this point, and I thought I knew everything about myself. I was a biromantic asexual and I had a community I belonged too. I was figuring out my gender and it was great. So I wanted to talk to my mom about because of course I did. I told her I was bi, and she was like alright sure if that makes you happy. Then I told her I was asexual and she got so mad. She insisted I didn’t need any labels, that I didn’t know anything yet. Everything was just a phase and I needed to stop saying that. All because I was asexual. She did not care that I thought I was bi, she cared because she thought I didn’t want sex. At 13, that was my mom’s biggest concern with me.

My parents call me a prude, despite knowing it bugs me. Despite me telling my mom is was disgusting for her to keep insisting that’s all it was. That’s also when I found all the hate against asexuals online. It was so hard to read it, but a huge part of me felt like I had to, and then one of my friends decided to tell me that the only valid part of my orientation were the ones they thought were “oppressed enough.” My friend dropped me, and a lot of others in our friend group, because I wouldn’t agree that asexuals were basically straight.

I have had romantic relationships end because my partners, after figuring out I wouldn’t change the fact I don’t desire sex, give up on everything else surrounding our relationship. I think three of the most impactful times this has happened need to be shared, but they were definitely not healthy situations for me to be in and when reading any more you will find the most triggering parts of my story.

The first was when I was about 13 and just figuring myself out. I was dating this guy named Gabe and it was great! He was a football player! He liked my body more than my personality and that’s what he told all his friends! We were about to go to highschool, and he was telling me about how we were going to have sex by the end of the school year. I told him no, we weren’t and he wanted to know why I said that when I should care about him like that. I reiterated that I was asexual and so he went to my friends who agreed with him. I was just being selfish, how could I expect to be in a relationship with someone when I wouldn’t have sex with them?

The second time was at the summer of my sophomore and beginning of my junior year with this girl named Tiffany who I dated on and off for a bit. She was a year above me and just so small and cute and I really cared about her. I spent hours learning how to play our song on the clarinet for her. Then she cheated on me, and asked me how could I be mad when she needed to have sex with someone. I was making her feel undesirable. My sexuality was hurting her. I ended things with her for good at the beginning of my Junior year.

The third time actually happened in between me and Tiffany seeing each other. I got really serious with this boy who I don’t want to name, but will call D for now. We dated right up till April of my sophomore year so it was in total 9 months. He had been my shoulder to cry on when me and Tiffany broke up and he was the best. He told me he wanted to have sex with me around the four month mark and I told him no. But then I thought back to all the other relationships I had lost for being a prude so for his birthday I was like we can try it. After that it didn’t matter that I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to loose him though, so until he got violent I tried to deal with it.

I was taught that sex was expected. That I needed to suck it up and deal with it or no one would love me. Who would want to be with someone so broken? Which is also a big part of what factored into my depression and self harming tendencies. These thoughts of how awful and selfish and just bad I was for not having a desire everyone equates to humanity hurt me and never won’t be something I don’t think about.

Now I am so much happier, but I am still unlearning all the damaging things I have been taught about being me. This is why I don’t want to hear exclusionist tell me that asexuals aren’t oppressed enough. This isn’t the Olympics, we are NOT competing to see who can be hurt the worst, but we do need to recongnize that the things asexuals (and aromantics) face are because of their identities. Yes there can be some overlap in the root of these issues, but that does not mean that my problems weren’t also because of my lack of sexual desire.

I am allowed to not have a desire for sex, I am allowed to enjoy sex if I choose to have it, I am allowed to choose not to have it, but a huge part of me wishes I could be an allosexual, because it would be a lot easier. I would love to understand sexual attraction, I would love to experience it, and I would love not to doubt my validity because some people think my community is stealing from others. 

I don’t want to see anyone, and I mean ANYONE, saying anyone who is asexual/aromantic is basically straight. To not be cishet you literally just have to be not heterosexual/romantic or not be cis and last time I checked asexuality and heterosexuality are not synonyms and the same can be said for the romantic attraction.

Also, I use the split attraction model. It helps me feel comfortable in my identity and helps me. If you don’t use it that is 10000% valid, but remember to not invalidate those who use it.

[kenazraventooth]

Maybe, OP do you need a hug?

Uhhhhhhh is it sad to say Dr habits back story is relatable?

[starkeristheendgame]

yk what tony needs? some good cock worship. if anyone deserves it it’s tony and we all know peter would do anything for his daddy

So you probably didn't mean this as a prompt but my lizard brain sort of glued itself to cock worship and I kinda ran with it.

TW: Daddy kink | Breathplay if you squint.

Peter had many things he adored about Tony. An almost endless list, in fact. There was very little he disliked, aside from Tony's blatant lack of self care, love and respect.

If asked, he'd wax poetic about Tony's selfless heroism, the way he laughed and the way he looked in a tux. His frighteningly intelligent mind and his sassy jokes.

But they were all, to some extent, a lie.

Or at the least, a half-truth.

No. Peter's true favourite thing about Tony - not to sound shallow - was his cock.

When Tony's sex tapes were leaked; Peter nearly wanked himself into exhaustion. Took the day off sick to stare slack-jawed and drooling at the shaky videos. Not even the shame of finding out they weren't consensually recorded wasn't enough to drive him to delete them.

And meeting the man in person, well. Seeing the way that cock stretched his slacks, the slight jut in thr armour to encompass its mass comfortably...

Even Captain America had resorted to the odd polite cough to bring Peter's eyes back up to an appropriate level.

The first time Peter had actually gotten up close and personal with it, he'd cried. Literally. Genuine tears had streamed down his cheeks. Tony had been horrified.

Of course, the horror had quickly vanished when Peter had forced himself down on it, inch by underprepared inch, too eager to wait any longer. Too desperate to get a feel of it.

It was a need that had never waned. Not even five months later, when they had tentatively and unspokenly gone from just sexual to something a little more... More.

"Je-esus, kid! Take a breath," Tony hissed above him, practically curling over Peter's head as the boy hollowed his cheeks, putting a Dyson to shame.

"You are literally-" Peter let his teeth skim the smooth, slick tip. "-The only person who'd complain during a blowjob."

He punctuated it by letting his tongue press firmly into the leaking slit, tasting the pre-cum there.

"I can, when you won't let me cum," Tony grumbled back, relaxing against the headboard, threading his fingers through Peter's hair tenderly.

Peter supposed he had a point. Tony had been on the edge of cumming earlier, hips shoving his cock deep into Peter's throat, right up until Peter had pinned them down, let the suction drop, wrapped his fingers tight around Tony's base.

Peter couldn't help it. He wasn't ready for it to be over. Wanted Tony's cock in his mouth for hours to follow. Wanted it choking him until Tony was desperate to cum, until he took matters into his own hands.

He licked a fat, wet stripe up the side, then the underside; the other side, laving the hard, hot skin like a cold ice-cream on a hot day. Kitten-licked his way up to the tip and sealed his lips over it, sucked hard until his throat ached with it.

"Peter - Peter, fuck. Fuck. That's it, baby," Tony groaned, using the handful of hair he held in a tight fist to try and pull Peter down. Peter braced himself on his elbows, resisted.

He wasn't ready to let Tony cum. Not yet.

The night had started off slow, lazy. Peter had kissed and licked his way down Tony's stomach, had spent almost twenty minutes simply mouthing at Tony's cock through his jeans.

Had crawled his way up Tony's body, ground against him in slow, circular rocks until Tony's grip went tighter, until he tried to fuck up against Peter's ass.

And that had landed them here. With Tony so hard his cock was red, verging on purple, so strung out and high on the dragged out pleasure he was rosy cheeked and glossy eyed, chest heaving as he panted.

He suckled his way back down the underside, to the sensitive dip where cock base became balls, suckled here as he used his thumb to abuse the slit, felt Tony writhing beneath him. Coiled like a spring.

"God, that mouth. That fucking mouth. Daddy can't look at it without thinking about those pretty little lips all stretched around his cock," Tony breathed, and Peter whined even though he saw through the attempt to get him to sweeten up.

Relatiating, Peter steadied himself and sunk down on Tony's cock, felt the thick stretch of it forcing his throat open, cutting off his air. Suckled and gurgled around Tony's dick as his breath became short and Tony's hips bucked in aborted little jumps.

"You're gonna kill me," Tony whined above him, eyes round and revered as he watched Peter's cheeks go ruddy. The boy hadn't even had his cock touched in an hour, but he looked as wrecked as Tony felt.

Peter truly seemed to intend on sending him to an early grave, because some gentle bullying found Tony standing by the edge of the bed, watching in rapt wonder as Peter's throat bulged around his cock.

"Daddy's little slut," he cooed affectionately, went to pull out when Peter's body begun to convulse slightly. But hands found his asscheeks, gripped the meat hard and pinned him in place as Peter squirmed.

"Shit, baby. Baby, let me go. You gotta breathe. You ca-an't," Tony's words broke as Peter choked around him, swallowed, finally let him go as the boy gasped for air, hanging off the edge of the bed.

Peter didn't really give either of them time to recover, drooling as he painted for breath, wrestling Tony back down onto the bed and diving straight back onto his cock with sloppy, loose sucks, more a wet space for Tony to thrust up into.

"You'd swear my cock was a drug and you're an addict," Tony huffed, gripping Peter's jaw to pull him off, fingers flexing at the pathetic whine Peter let loose at being denied.

"Can't help it," the boy drawled in response, wrapping both hands around Tony's cock and pumping him in slow, twisting strokes.

"It's so perfect. So big. It's yours." Fought his way back down to suck the tip like it was oxygen.

Tony could have cum. With his cock twitching a drooling pre-cum over Peter's tongue, with his hands in the boys hair and pleasure now a raging inferno in his gut.

He was denied.

"Baby. Please. Daddy's begging you," Tony whimpered, voice rough as Peter kept him teetering on the edge, grip flexing and tongue curling around his cock, breath hot over Tony's hip.

"Mm," Peter mumbled around him, vibrations making Tony's whole body seize. He felt like a live wire, electric and ready to explode, fingers twisting harshly in Peter's dark curls. Peter swallowed him down again, not choking himself but constricting his throat around Tony's cock, tongue pressed flat and warm, an extra friction on each thrust.

Tony could feel it. Building. Raging. Consuming. Tried desperately not to show it in case Peter stole it from him for a third time, bit his lip and let his head fall back as he rocked up in the slick embrace of Peter's throat.

Peter must've known, though, because as Tony cried out and buried himself down Peter's throat, the boy swallowed him easily, cheeks hollowed and eyes closed, squeezed Tony tight as cum flooded the back of his throat.

He was sloppy and sticky when he pulled out, slapped his cock a few times against Peter's swollen, plum-shade lips with a lazy, worn out smile. "Daddy's perfect little boy," Tony praised, cupped Peter's cheek.

He let out a rough sound when Peter's tongue licked up his cock, oversensitive and done for, but the boy was only cleaning up, licking and suckling gently until Tony was cleaner and softening against his jaw.

"You suck dick like you'll die if you dont," Tony mused, hauling Peter up, over his body to snuggle, the press of the boy's hard cock digging into his hip, though Peter seemed content just to curl against him.

"A dick like that deserved worship," Peter rasped, looking up at him with a dopey grin.

And worship Peter did. Every blowjob was like a prayer, leaving Tony almost too far gone to bury himself in the boy's ass. Sucking him down until he was glazing over from oxygen loss; until the ache of his jaw was visible in the way he ground his teeth.

But Tony had never felt more loved or more worshipped than when he was two hours into needing to cum, helpless beneath his boy as Peter licked and sucked.